What would happen if some really, really fat, bulgey eyed loner dude enjoyed Human Centipede so much that he went all DIY and actually did it himself.  Except, instead of connecting three poor bastards, ass to mouth, he went for a solid dozen.  Talk about a fuckin overachiever, I guess you could say this guys overcompensating for something, eh?!  Wink, wink.  I’m trying to say he got a small dickle doodle doo, ok?!

Anyway, I didn’t expect them to go this route for the sequel but I suppose it’s an interesting turn to take.  The main dude is a parking lot attendant who sits in his patrol station watching Human Centipede all day, eryday.  Ya feel meh?!  This dude is a real piece of work, let me tell you.

First off he has a Human Centipede scrapbook that he treasures like one would a first born child.  He jacks off to Human Centipede while at work, and with a piece of high grit sand paper between his hands and dicky.  He has a pet centipede, probably not too surprising considering what I’ve already mentioned.  He looks older than 35 and still living at home, total boner kill for the ladies I’m sure.  He never speaks one word the whole entire movie either!  And sometimes when watching Human Centipede he gets so damn excited that he just shits himself.  He’s probably a virgin too but that’s ok, I can respect people who are waiting for marriage.

I suppose he hasn’t had the easiest life and his behavior is a result of that.  His dad used to sexually abuse him, his mother is an annoying cunt and his doctor wants to fuck him really, really badly.  At one point the doctor is getting a blowjob in the back seat of a friends car.  The friend asks him if he’s enjoying himself and the doctor says “I rather fuck that retarded boy but this’ll do”.  That got a real chuckle outta me.

I guess it makes sense that he would really wanna crush the competition and go for a twelve person centipede.  This guy failed at everything else possible but maybe just maybe he can make the worlds longest human centipede and shut out the competitors!  Cuz, you know, who isn’t trying to surgically connect people ass to mouth these days?

I kinda was hoping this would be it but no, there is yet another Human Centipede film in the works.  The only thing going for these films is that they continuously make the ass to mouth chain longer and longer.  I have to admit I would be curious to see a Human Centipede film where people are connected ass to mouth in a chain around the world.  It’s either that or having a carefully chosen celebrity as the next lead role surgeon…maybe 50 cent or David Hasselhoff or Larry David or even Rosie O’ Donnel, she seems like a real evil ass bitch at the core.

Anyway, if ass to mouth is yo thing, if you can relate to jackin off with sand paper or you’re just a plain old sick fuck, then this film’s for you!  It’s on netflix so you can enjoy it from the comfort of your own home or workplace!  Enjoy!

The Grime boys at it again.  BBQ’ing, grimey style!  Oh yea, make sure to check out their brandy new website too!

I kept hearing about the movie Hunger Games and before the movie came out I kept hearing people talk about the book.  I kept hearing about this book/movie so much so that I started to become annoyed by it.  When I feel as though I’ll be annoyed by a film, I spend my hard earned dollars and I go and see it.  I did this very thing and here is what I thought of said movie.

Hunger Games stars this girl I never saw before in my entire life.  There is a bunch of other people I never saw before in this movie but they all acted quite well in it and I think you’d agree.  Ironically the two fuckos I do recognize were Woody Harrelson and Lenny Kravitz.  Yea, I’m not joking.  I remember seeing Woody Harrelson and I was like, “Why is this guy in this movie?  I thought this guy was a tool.”  Then enters Lenny Kravitz and I’m all like “Hey, this guy is a complete arse as well.  What gives?”

I don’t know why people making a serious movie would have somebody like Lenny Kravitz in it.  You don’t wanna do anything to take the viewer out of the experience. Having Lenny Kravitz in your serious film is like having a clown or court jester come to your loved ones funeral.  It just doesn’t seem to make sense and has no place at all.

Everyone is talking about how this movie is just like Battle Royale.  Well, yea it is.  Its exactly the same but really who gives two flying fucks anyway.  Think about how many movies out there tell the same damn story.  You ever see a romantic comedy?  How bout a movie where there’s a person trying to kill young hot women with a knife or other sharp pointy object of his or her preference?  I bet the same people slapping their gums about how this movie is just like Battle Royale are the same people who watched every Saw movie.  I think you get my point.

If you are unfamiliar with Battle Royale or Hunger Games, the premise is quite simple.  Young men and women are chosen to fight to the death against each other until there is one left standing.  In this film, a young woman named Katniss volunteers herself over her younger sister who was originally chosen.  It’s an honest and caring move by Katniss because both her and the audience know that her younger sister is nothing but an insolent fool that is very stupid and has little to no self confidence.   At one point she says to Katniss “I wish I looked like you”  Wow, what a weak thing to say, stupid bitch.  There’s no way in hell that she would have survived even one second in the hunger games but her older sister…well, that chick bad!  Katniss is really smart, she’s good with a bow and arrow, she’s good under pressure, she climbs trees with ease, she is caring and just seems like a really great friend!  You go, girl!

Hunger Games takes place in a world that is controlled by the people running the games.  There’s this big huge digital sphere that covers the land where the games take place or maybe the whole dang thang is a digital map, I don’t really know.  Either way, these sick fucks can change the day to night, add some beastly animals to the map, create fires through the use of massive fireballs and whatever other demented sick sadistic shit they think up.  They make sure to keep the games interesting and keep the constants lives miserable!  Essentially Hunger Games is just like any other reality TV show except people are really dying, so it’s a whole lot better!

If you dig young adults, teens, tweens, and preteens fighting each other to the death then I really can’t think of any other movie better than this.  Well, there’s also that other movie, Battle Royale…but whatever.  Slunk on out to your local theater and enjoy the carnage!

Chronicle is about two cousins and their friend touching some weird rock and then getting superpowers.  They gain the power to fly and move shit with their minds.  Sometimes if they try to move shit that’s too heavy they get nose bleeds.  When I was a kid I got nose bleeds all the time so I know how annoying that can be.

Chronicle is presented in the now popular “found footage” style.  You know, like Cloverfield, Quarantine, and The Last Exorcism.  I have to admit that it definitely helps give a cool twist on the superhero genre.  Instead of epic shots of the kids discovering their powers, we get to see what its like from their perspective.  One moment really stands out for me and it’s when the kids first learn to fly.  When they finally get it down and soar around in the clouds its actually kinda breathtaking.

Naturally some bad shit has to happen, cause what kinda movie would be three dudes lovingly flying through the clouds and pranking people by moving their parked cars to different spots the whole time.  Young Andrew is a bit of an outcast at school and his homelife aint too rad either.  His mom is deathly ill and daddy likes to suck back on grandpa’s old cough medicine day and night.  So when he isn’t getting beaten by his drunken dad or getting beat up by some bullies at school, he’s usually home bored and alone.  Well that is until him, his cousin Matt and their friend Steve jump into a deep whole in the ground and find a glowing rock that looks highly radioactive and they of course touch it.  BOOOM!  SUPERPOWER TIME!

It’s all fun and games until Andrew mind fucks this tailgating truck into a ditch.  Everything goes south of heaven after that, Andrew starts maliciously using his powers against people.  You know, shit like pulling a dudes teeth out, throwing drunko daddy against a wall and just flat out killing innocent people left and right.  I won’t ruin what happens but I’ll just say a huge bag of feces hits the fan and it gets ugly.  If you dig superpowers, glowing rocks, nosebleeds or just like to see people die then this one’s for you.  Fly on over to your local theater (of just drive cuz your just a pathetic human) and check it out for yourself!

The alternative porn world is a fickle place.  New faces seem to pop up every day and for every new purple haired model another one disappears into oblivion.  It’s always particularly interesting to me when a new face pops up and seems to have staying power.  One such alt model is RUBY VIOLENCE (www.rubyviolence.com)

She’s a fresh young adult film star, fetish model and artist from southern Cali.  She’s not your average alt porn girl though, she’s bright, engaging and genuinely seems to love what she does, which shines through in her work.  Another striking feature about this dazzling diva is how much she seems to love her fans, she regularly interacts with them on her blogs and twitter feed.  We happen to live on opposite sides of the country, but we do get the chance to chat pretty regularly so I thought she’d be a perfect first interview for ONLY ONES!

Bella Vendetta: So you’ve launched your official website (RubyViolence.com) not too long ago. When was the official launch and did you have a big party to celebrate?

Ruby Violence: Yes I launched my official website last January, so it would be a year now. I was so excited that I finally had a proper venue to show off all my work in the way I wanted it. I wish I had a big party for the launch but I made my own fun instead.

BV: You’ve been modeling for quite some time before your own site.  Can you tell us how and when you got into being naked on the internet and some of the other sites we can find you on?

RV: Well I went to art college where I drew naked people all the time so nudity wasn’t that big of a deal for me. Then I saw one the Vivid Alt films, Art School Sluts, and was immediately hooked. Not just because of the sex but how the girls looked and their style and didn’t look like “typical” porn stars. I then contacted a guy in the business who put me in touch with an agency in the valley. I was living in San Francisco at the time so I flew in to get my agency photos done. It just so happened that they needed an extra girl for a film down the street so I actually did my first adult film when I only planned on taking photos. I’m not with an agency now but it was a fun experience. From then on I started applying for alternative and fetish sites. I wanted to be part of that genre where you can make money and do erotica without having to look like a Barbie Doll.

Some sites you can find me on besides my official site include Bellavendetta.com, Fixemagazine.com, chsregime.com, Vampyrotic.com, Blueblood.com, Pornsaints.com, AlmostEvilgirls.com, Devilgirlsxxx.com, Eroticbpm.com, inkedangels.com, and more. Hopefully soon to be an official Burning Angel as well.

BV: In addition to websites you also appear in a number of hardcore adult DVDs.  Can you tell us about some of them and is shooting video for DVDs a lot different than shooting content for your site?

RV: I like making DVDs and my own content, I’m now working in a more erotica, fetish genre, instead of just pure hardcore. I like the variety. DVDs are great because you have your base and people get to know you well by your work. I like doing work on my own because I have more creative freedom and call the shots.

BV: Do you have a favorite performer you love working with?

RV:  One thing I like about not having an agency is that I can choose who I work with and even know that person before working with them. Some of my favorite models to work with include Jasmine Blue, Julia X, Lily Cade, AlySinclair, Deborahannxxx and of course Bella Vendetta.

BV:  Favorite photographer to work with?

RV:  Favorite photographers include, Mich Masoch, The Jimi King, and Jazz Wilson.  They are definitely a nice handful of models and photographers to work with, such as Bellavendetta, doing video content.

BV:  Any models or performers that you’re looking forward to one day working with?

RV:  Also would love to work with Joanna Angel, Bob Coulter, Chopper Dave, Miss Crash, Jane Jett, James Deen, The Original Tommy Gunn, Elizabeth Starr, and Jade Starr just to name a few.

BV: Is your sex life off camera anything like your online sex life?

RV:  My sex life is different off camera because it’s not work or a job. It’s someone who I am truly in love with. There is so much passion between us

BV:  In addition to your sexy pictures website you also have a site that is reviews of horror movies?  How do you choose which movies to review?

RV:  Well I have always loved horror films. I actually did my first mainstream horror film this past summer and it was so much fun. I wanted to create a blog where I could share my passion and love for the genre and have it open for people who love horror to share their thoughts also. When I choose a movie or book review, it’s usually something new that I had just watched or read so I can give a fresh review on the subject.  Sometimes when I’m reviewing something, I just go with my first thoughts about a film and write them out. I also like mixing up the different categories of horror, such as Japanese horror, Grindhouse films, European horror, etc. It just depends. I especially enjoy reviewing new up and coming writers and filmmakers as well.

BV:  You’re kind of a Jill of all trades, you also have photography and multimedia art pieces for sale on your site.  How do you find time to work on your art and what are your inspirations?

RV:   I love being an artist and love to translate my passion in any medium. There isn’t one certain thing that inspires me but I usually create from personal experiences. I am an artist, a photographer, writer, erotic performer, and designer so I definitely love expressing myself in more ways than one.

BV:  On your site, you take fans requests for photo sets etc.  Are there any that are so weird you turn them down?

RV:  I am always open to fan requests but, in the end, I make the final decision. If I don’t want to do something that I don’t feel comfortable with I have no problem turning someone down.

BV:  Anything you wanna share with us about yourself that we can’t find on the web?

RV:  The last thing I want to add is to of course check out and become a member of  my website, www.rubyviolence.com.  Also I would love to thank all my supporters, fans, and old and new friends for their support.

BV:  And lastly: when are you going to fly to the east coast to have sex with me?

RV:  Hehe anytime you are ready, I will pack my bags and come out to play and fuck you, sexy! Just let me know when!

Bella Vendetta, is an international fetish model, burlesque dancer, Pro Domme, award winning adult film star, and webmistress.  Aside from doing dirty things on film, she also conducts interviews with tattoo artists, black metal bands and porn stars.  You can learn more about her by visiting her site: BellaVendetta.com.